Alone?

When I am at my weakest, I feel so alone. Alone in my faith, alone in my journey. I've doubted whether God can hear me. I know it's silly, but sometimes I believe that I'm the only one who believes in God, in the sense that I'm on my own in my belief. Sometimes I believe that God ignores me.

And then, he shows up where I need him.


A few days ago, I text someone I trust to ask for prayer because of this fear and doubt.

A few moments later, my office phone rang. It was an old coworker. The first words out of her mouth were "You've truly been on my mind all day and I needed to call you."

To hear her say that to me made me feel like I'm worth it. I'm worth something.

The friend I text for prayer then text me: "You are HIS." 

I don't think we say this to ourselves enough. I am His.

I know we don't want to be selfish, but it's okay here. Look in the mirror and say "I. Am. His. ME. He loves ME."

My story may not seem like a lot. It may seem small and insignificant. But hearing her say that meant everything. I sent her an email to tell her that and she responded by saying

"He is in charge of the big stuff and the little stuff as well. He is our protector, our comforter, our everything. Just hold onto Him and the rest of the world really does not matter! Smile."


Pro-tip: Surround yourself with other strong Christians. You will need them. They may not believe exactly as you do. The majority of women I know who are Godly believe that men are the head of the household or that women shouldn't preach. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but I still love them and respect their views of religion. I take comfort in them and in people who believe what I do, too.

Don't be afraid to ask for prayer. It's not selfish if it's necessary.

I'm still struggling with this feeling of fear and being alone, so much so that I'm going to see a counselor very soon. We are not always strong enough alone. Maybe that's why this fear is in me. I've been trying for so long to do it alone.

Afraid

I don't know if my blog means anything to others, but because writing is the skill God has given me, I want to write for myself. I want to write things for myself that will show me My God is here in me.

I have always had faith. I was born into a United Methodist home and I was baptized, confirmed, and continue to attend the same church my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents did (and do).

It has never been a question of if God is there. As I'm growing older, I'm trying to get closer. I know my moral beliefs:

1. I am a Feminist.
2. I am for equal rights, for everyone, regardless of race, gender, sexuality, or nationality.
3. I am Christian.

One could say I'm a liberal. I've had people tell me I can't be a liberal Christian, which is weird, because that's clearly what I am. I love God and believe in Jesus (Christian) and I believe I am equal to any man (Feminist). My sister is a minister, and I encourage everyone, every woman, to answer the call God puts in their heart.

I believe God came to us as Jesus to walk with those who were persecuted by the church of his time to show others that these people who have been rejected are his people. They are loved. They are necessary. They matter. He spoke against injustice. He flipped tables when he was angry.

Jesus wants us to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I do not buy into the "Jesus was a [insert political leaning here]" because Jesus was about love. Something I believe both sides in American politics lack.

But currently I am afraid. I have allowed fear and doubt to make their way into my heart.
I have let myself slack off on attending church and Bible study. I have participated in things that I knew I shouldn't given my personality and the beliefs I've built as I've grown. I do not believe God hates, but I know I have disappointed him because he knows I deserve more.

I am trying to get back on track, but it's something I can't do alone. I'm reaching out to others in my community of faith for help.

I am going to use this place to post inspiring God messages that I find. Pictures and phrases and Bible verses and musings. Things that will help me. If someone else sees them and they help them as well, that is wonderful.


I'm doing this because I need this. I need to feel close to God like people need to eat and drink to survive. I need this. And for anyone else who does to, please, seek comfort in knowing you are not alone.